HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
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i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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