Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize