Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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