I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.