I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.