somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
