She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
