well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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