Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
