hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
