I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize