Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
