see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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