Soap is not a condiment
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
