Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
