nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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