here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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