He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
