Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
