OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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