she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
