Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
