And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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