Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize