End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize