i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
