see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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