That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
