dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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