There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize