Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.