he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.