i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
