WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
