Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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