Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
