Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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