at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
