We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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