This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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