You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave