Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.