alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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