Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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