i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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