3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
