I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.