Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.