God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.