i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor