he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize