So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
