Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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