Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
