even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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