now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.