Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.