Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad