He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
